Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Randomize
