This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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