Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
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