I wish I could punch you in the face.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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