do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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