I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize