WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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