Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
