I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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