You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Randomize
