dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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