I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
He kissed a someone with a penis
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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