She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
We don't watch enough power rangers
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
