he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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