i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
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