for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
