I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
