So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
last night I used snow as a chaser
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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