That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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