those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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