you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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