Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
