turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
