the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
