By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
look no pants
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
