Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
