Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
