just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
