Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
