Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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