how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
