Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
He shit in the fireplace
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
