at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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