We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Randomize
