you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I need moral support for this bender
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
