im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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