Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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