It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
