Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
