Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
