Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
