3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
