i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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