I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
