so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize
