i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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