I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
