Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
