I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize