I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
