just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
