We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
