Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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