Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Randomize
