I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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