just survived the first fart of the relationship.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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