when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
