im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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