K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
