i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
There's always time for handjobs
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
