After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
