Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
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