Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
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