You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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