this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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