Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
