i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
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