i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Randomize
