woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Houston, we have a squirter
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
