Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
she told me i tasted like america
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
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