WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
