my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize