it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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