last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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