Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
