i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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