Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
