Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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