Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
In America we eat man semen.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
