Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Randomize
