if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
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