I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
A bitchslap is in order.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
