He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
