i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
She just used a chaser for red wine.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
