he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
