Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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