I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
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