...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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