YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
