It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
