In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Randomize
