Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
