I could make wine with my vomit
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
