her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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